I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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