My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
