hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
