i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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