Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
