just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
