Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
