I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize