giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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