This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
