I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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