you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
