i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
