hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
