And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
