Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
