He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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