Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
