Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
True strength comes from lack of pants
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
