Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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