It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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