sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
