all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
