she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
