I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
