there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
