I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
