so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
