he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
