he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
