So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Randomize
