Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
