I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
