brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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