Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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