I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
