he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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