:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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