Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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