sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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