Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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