Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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