The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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