I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
