I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
