woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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