Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
