I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
