I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
