I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
