oh god the rape fog is back!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
