Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So vagazzling was a success
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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