I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
one might say we're banned from that church
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
