thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
