all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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