'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
