it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Damn victory sex feels great
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
