I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
