So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
