As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
