so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
