someone get that fucking seahorse.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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