Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
