walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
