Your face is a jimmy john
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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