Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
