But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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