she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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