i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
