loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
