I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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