i don't like sucking hair
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
